Do Us Part
by GhostWriterGertrude
Summary: Edward encounters a newborn Bella in the woods, a Bella with barely any memory and no ability to hunt. She has a gift, one that frightens him to the core of his being, and they must learn together to reconnect with their humanity and their hearts.
1. Chapter 1: Heart Beat

**Hi guys! This idea has been plaguing my mind for a while, so I'll try to type it out, and let's see where this goes. Everything belongs to the author.**

**This whole story will be in Edward's perspective, and I don't plan on changing that. Maybe an outtake?**

**_The Rose did caper on her cheek—_**

**_Her Bodice rose and fell—_**

**_Her pretty speech—like drunken men—_**

**_Did stagger pitiful—_**

**Chapter 1: Heart Beat**

I ran as far as my legs would push, exerting the pent up energy from the past week. We began high school again, my siblings and I, and in the middle of the scholastic year no less. My slightly less controlled brother, Jasper, had a slip up in our last residence. After a brief stint in the wilderness for Jasper to regain golden eyes and slightly improve his confidence, we return to the eternal purgatory of pubescent hormones and loud thoughts.

I went off on my own several hours every week, to release myself from a house of couples and their, well, coupling. Not only was it incredibly uncomfortable, what with my ability to hear every loving murmur and sound of passion, both spoken and internalized, it also reminded me of what I lacked.

The vibrant foliage was a mere blur with the pace of my run. I had spent decades contemplating my solitude. Logically, I knew both Jasper and Carlisle had sent more than my ninety years waiting for their mates. But I also knew how I differed from them so dramatically; perhaps I was incapable of giving or receiving such devotion because of it.

Carlisle had never taken a human life, he had spent centuries dedicated to the task of preserving their fragile and fleeting existence. From what I had gleaned from his mind, he had barely been tempted, his devotion to God and his enhanced compassion prevented any such demonic action.

Jasper had taken thousands, both human and vampire. He had been taught no other way than the normal way, that human blood was the only sustenance, and he had been raised as a newborn to kill. He had no control over his upbringing, and none of us even remotely blamed him for his few slip ups, which were becoming further and further apart.

I had gone searching for murder. Despite having two, wonderful "parents", I abandoned them in pursuit of death because I was the uncontrollable monster. My whole family has been adamant against that idea, but I am no fool. Vampires are unchanging creatures, and this is my nature. Mates are the only influence to change a vampire, and because of my unlovable being, I will never find a mate to tame the monster. It is a vicious circle of irony I have been doomed to dwell in, indeed.

"Edward, you are being a complete idiot," Rose called. Despite running a great distance at a much faster speed than anyone else in my family was capable of, my oldest and coldest sibling had tracked me down.

"It worries Esme when you leave, she thinks one day you won't come back," _Again_, she adds mentally, insisting on reminding me of my ocean of transgressions against my family and humankind.

"I apologize. I will return home immediately," I replied nearly apathetically.

"Whatever, Edward. I want to hunt for a while, I'll catch up with you later," Rosalie was the only member of the family who did not communicate with me mentally unless absolutely necessary. She wished to hide her deeper thoughts and feelings, they were personal and important to her, a sentiment I respected. Some things, I discovered, were meant only to be shared with one's mate. I was a constant, unwelcome intruder in my family's relationships.

I nodded my agreement and took off, leaving Rose to her devices deep into the south Canadian forests. I was now in no rush. I had no wishes to return to the house, only agreeing to appease and escape from Rose. Esme would mentally fret over me, Emmett would once again inform I just needed to bed a woman, and then provide graphic images of two faceless bodies gliding over each other, in the throes of passion. Jasper, though he never concretely thought so, would be unhappy I returned after a day free of my depressing emotions, and Alice would scan the bleak future for any sign of hope. There was none. Carlisle, it seemed, partially agreed with Emmett, but in a less crass manner. He understood that perhaps I would wish to refrain from intimacy until I was "married", or mated, such as he did. What my poor surrogate father did not seem to understand was that I would never achieve that. I _knew_ I was fated to a solitary eternity in atonement for my sins.

No, I was not really looking forward to that. I was not looking forward to another day in Forks High School, surrounded by the hormonal imaginings of my peers, teachers, and siblings alike. I nearly gagged at the reminder of what my future held. And Alice has seen no change in this routine, so I knew it to be true.

It was then, halfway between where I left Rose and our home outside of Forks, where I smelled a fresh scent that was unfamiliar to me, All vampires knew this area was claimed, and the fragrance was certainly from a vampire. Determined to peacefully settle this discretion, I followed the trail. I felt no mental presence, though, which I thought odd because I knew I was nearing the offensive vampire.

"Excuse me," I called out to the shadowed figure ;eagues away from me. The silhouette spun around and rushed to reach me, causing me to settle into a defensive stance. I still heard no thoughts, felt no presence other than the obvious physical one. She was female, I registered, before my mind went completely blank.

Female she was, and the most stunning creature I had ever seen. Her hair was dark and wild, swirling about her body like a controlled hurricane of silk and softness. Her face was obviously pale, but luminous, and her black eyes were deep and expressive.

It took me a moment, though, to register the expression in her eyes. She was feral, her pink, rosebud lips pulled over her glistening white teeth menacingly. Deep, black bruises shadowed under her eyes, darker than I had ever seen before on a vampire. Her body was covered by tattered layers of dirty clothing, and her feet were bare. She was obviously nomadic.

"Please, I mean no harm," I lifted my hands slowly, reassuringly using the international sign for peace, "I just request you do not hunt on these lands until reaching the borders of Montana."

My explanation seemed to have little effect on her countenance. She did, however, cover her teeth, removing one threat. Her mouth opened and closed in silent words, ones that I could not interpretate, and I felt even more frustrated with the silence and aggressiveness of the beauty before me.

"Hunt?" She managed to whisper in the most beautiful and melodic voice that had ever graced a being's ear.

"Yes," I replied carefully, moving out of my stance to a normal standing position, "By the colour of your eyes, you have not fed in a long time. We'd rather not have attention drawn to these areas with a massacre."

"Massacre? We? I don't understand," She looked about to cry, and I felt a deep, dull pain in my dead heart. She looked scared and oddly tired for a wild vampire, I thought it best to become as unthreatening as possible. I slowly sunk to the ground, positioning myself in the "criss- cross applesauce" sit, and gestured for her to do the same. She was still several feet away, but she complied, mirroring my motions down to the exact speed accomplished.

"May I ask your name?" I inquired politely, gently. There was something about her, other than her otherworldly beauty, which intrigued me.

"Bella Swan," There was that chiming voice again. Her name was so perfect to describe her it was nearly funny.

"I am Edward Cullen. I live in these areas with my family, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, and Carlisle and Esme," I couldn't fathom why I was disclosing such information to a nomadic stranger, "We reside in Forks, where we attend school. Carlisle is a doctor."

"Oh! I go to school too!" She squeeled. While the sound was magnificent, hearing her happy filled me with strange elation, I gave her an incredulous look.

"Well, I used to. I think. I remember a fire in the woods, and I've been wandering out here since. Will you help me?" Bella, too, seemed uncomfortable telling me personal details, I didn't have to read her mind to read her body language. But then my mind registered what she had said, and my eyes widened in shock. This girl, this Bella, had obviously been a vampire for a while, yet she had either repressed killing anyone or anything, or she had remarkable and painful control.

"Do you mean to tell me that you have never fed? When was this fire you remember?" Maybe she was like Alice, her past a black hole of mystery.

"What day is it?" The fact that she didn't know what day it was troubled me, vampires have perfect internal clocks.

"The eighth of January."

"Then the fire was four months ago. I have no idea how I survived, it felt for sure that my whole body was engulfed in the flames."

_Four months_. This girl had never fed in her whole four month existence; she had not embarked on the usual newborn frenzy, and did not seem wholly out for control. It was then I felt a mental presence, Rose was actually calling out for me.

_Edward! Is something wrong? I smell someone! _She ran to us, and as Bella sensed a new vampire, she shot up into the defensive stance I was greeted with.

"Rose, it's okay. This is Bella, and she has a very interesting past," I tuned in to Rose's mind, hoping she had no plan to attack the beautiful girl. It was then I saw what she did of Bella. No longer was the brunette beauty I saw Bella to be, but a young woman that looked nearly identical to Rose. The same blonde locks and supermodel-esque physique, but this figment had tanned skin and rosy cheeks. The Rose-Bella had the same black eyes and was wearing the same tattered clothes, but it was not Bella she saw.

A gift.

**Oh, brooding Edward, how I love you so.**


	2. Chapter 2: You Are Nobody

**Back again so soon? Yes, yes I am. I've literally dreamt about this story line. How does it end? Only Alice knows.**

**_You are like nobody since I love you._**

**_Let me spread you out among yellow garlands._**

**_Who writes your name in letters of smoke among the stars of the south?_**

**_Oh let me remember you as you were before you existed._**

**Chapter 2: Every Day You Play**

Rose's mind was a jumble of thoughts and confusion. She didn't understand how a human-like vampire Rose was standing in front of her, smelling like a new vampire, crouched defensively with wild black eyes. I didn't understand it either. I still saw my Bella- _oh_ it felt strangely wonderful to call her _mine_\- with my own eyes, but Rose saw something different.

A snarl ripped through Bella's lovely pink mouth, pulling me out of my shocked state and reminding me to soothe her. She was still a newborn, after all.

"Bella, this is my sister Rosalie. I told you about her, remember?" At the mention of sister, something in her stance softened. She lifted herself to a normal standing position, and nodded her head. Her hair fanned out, her scent wafted to me, and _oh what a scent_. She smelled like flowers and reminded me of warmth and sunshine and _home_.

Rose's mind was still incoherent, I didn't see her being able to speak any time soon, so I would attempt to explain and diffuse the situation.

"Bella, do you remember anything before the fire?" Her brow wrinkled adorably in thought, trying to remember. Being so new, she shouldn't have to try this hard to remember glimpses of her human life.

"Not anything concrete! What's wrong with me? Can you help me get home?" Desperation was thick in her voice. I wanted to reassure her that everything would be fine; I wanted to let her know she could go home, even though it was impossible. I had no control on the situation, I couldn't read her. I was frightened to bring her before my family. In any other situation, they would be happy to help, but what if she had a gift that would influence everyone else as it effected Rose.

Rose was still standing beside me, staring at Bella, her mental state almost catatonic. It was honestly a first experience for me, seeing a vampire think of only one thing. I could barely think about that with this beautiful vampire with the strange powers and no real memory, I was almost in the same state.

I was scared, for once in my long, jaded existence; I was shaken to my empty core. The only possible solution I could think of was to bring her to Carlisle, to bring her to Forks, and to get her fed. We could explain to her what she was, Jasper would be able to keep her calm, and maybe Alice would be able to help see where she could go. Maybe she would want to stay, to be a "vegetarian" and stay with us. There was something in me that ached when I thought of her staying, a dull, beautiful, hopeful ache that I was completely unfamiliar with. And it made me uncomfortable.

Another problem was the reaction Rose had to her. What if everyone else in the family would see her differently from the brown beauty I perceived, they would think she was human or something? I didn't even know the definition of her gift, what it could possibly entail. I was in the dark for once.

"Please, I'm so lost. Please help me," She whimpered. My decision was made. This wonderful young woman could not be left alone, in the dark, in the middle of the forest with no guidance. I wanted to keep her close to me, and I wanted to do whatever she wanted me to do for some reason.

"Bella, can I bring you home to my family? I think we could help you," I figured giving her an option would make her feel less cornered. No matter what, she was still an unfed newborn and needed to be handled carefully. Emmett's strength would surely help in controlling her, especially if she got a whiff of a human, and in her first time hunting.

"Please, anything, please," Her black eyes were almost glistening with ghosting tears, desperate.

"Rose, we're going home. I'm going to let you come in your own time, but I may send Esme or Emmett out to get you if you're not back soon," I rubbed her arms up and down and looked into her eyes for any sign of activity. Her mind was still solely focused on Bella and her appearance, she was still in complete shock, and it was relatively alarming to see a vampire like that.

"Alright, Bella. Follow me, okay. Tell me if you can't keep up and we'll slow down," She nodded and swallowed, it didn't take an empath to tell she was nervous. I had a strange need to reach out and touch her, but I restrained myself. Not only was it completely inappropriate, I hardly knew her!, but she could react in any way with her unpredictable newborn mood swings.

I ran at a relatively slow pace, the trees no longer a blur, towards Washington, Bella trailing behind me with no problem. We were passing over borders, not encountering any human scents thank god, and soon crossed into Forks' county line. The house came into view, and Bella gasped and stopped short.

"It's beautiful," She fawned, her face softening in awe. The house _was _nice, one of Esme's best creations. It was open and bright, the opposite of our sorry existence.

"My mother for all intents and purposes, Esme, loves interior design," I said softly in a lame explanation. Nothing seemed enough, I could never say enough to her. I could hear everyone from our distance. Carlisle was home in his study, with Esme reading design magazines beside him; Alice was sewing new clothing, maybe for Rose or Esme; and Jasper and Emmett were in the basement passionately playing Black Ops, something I could never truly become interested in. Everyone but Rose and I was in there, something that worked in our favour.

"Bella, I'm afraid the rest of my family may react the same way Rosalie did. Don't be frightened, I _promise_ we _will _help you," There was something so frustrating about her silent mind and strange gifts that made me want to figure her out, that made me feel something. We continued on to the house, and met by the door by Esme. I could tell everyone else had smelled that we had a visitor. Emmett and Jasper had paused their game, and they were listening in intently. Carlisle was situated in the living room, too protective of his mate to remain further away. Alice was still in her room, still working, and she was reciting the Magna Carta in Mandarin; she quite obviously knew something.

"Bella, this is Esme," Esme smiled at me, happy I had returned home, and so hopeful that I had found someone for myself, a completely ridiculous notion. But Esme, too, saw Bella as I did. Flowing mahogany locks with light red highlights, glowing skin, and the same black eyes. The relief I felt was almost palapable, something was wrong with Rose that caused her to react like that.

"Oh, Bella, it's so nice to meet you!" Esme reached out her hand, and a growl erupted from Bella's throat. The situation escalated immediately, with Carlisle flashing to Esme's side and Emmett and Jasper rushing in front of them. It was then, all hell broke loose.

I could barely keep up with everyone's thoughts. Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle nearly entered the same state we left Rose in.

Everything was drowned in confusion. Emmett saw Rose, Jasper saw Alice, and Carlisle saw Esme, but it wasn't their mates' smell. It was Bella's. As is our natural reaction to most tense issues, the men in my family crouched into a defensive state. I, too, sunk into one next to Bella, something in me needing to protect her. I was just so intrigued in her gifts.

It was then Alice deigned to appear. She skipped right between Emmett and Jasper, and Bella and I. She put her hands on her hips and stared at us in seeming exasperation.

"Seriously, give up the weird faux-testosterone cock-off, you're scaring Bella," Alice was right, Bella was more tense than ever, and her eyes were flashing from person to person. Alice perceived Bella the same way as Esme and I, but that was the only glimpse I was allowed into Alice's mind.

Was it a male-exclusive reaction? No, Rose saw her human self in Bella. I had no clue what her gift could be.

My brothers and father stood upright, looking very uncomfortable, and Esme was completely confused. She had been so happy earlier, but now she thought maybe they all knew Bella, and that she had committed some crime against them, though she couldn't fathom what.

"Now, let's all go sit in the living room and allow Bella an explanation. She deserves that much after how you all just greeted her," Alice reached out for Bella's hand, and I went to stop her, that action being what started the whole confrontation, but Bella seemed too shocked to react. Alice pulled Bella inside, and everyone else shuffled in after them.

Jasper and Carlisle were the most concerned, seeing double of their mate; one with the familiar scent and one without was very disturbing. Emmett was considering Rose having a twin sister she didn't remember.

_What're the odds, right Eddie?_ He grimaced at me, still managing a joke in usual Emmett fashion.

**Was that too hard to follow? It's also kind of short, sorry. Does anyone have a guess on Bella's gift? 100 points to anyone who can guess!**


	3. Chapter 3: Senza Tema D'Infamia

**(I've noticed a fair bit of international readers! Servus zusammen!)**

**What's the difference between uncover and discover? Think on it.**

**_Do I dare_**

**_Disturb the universe?_**

**_In a minute there is time_**

**_For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse._**

**Chapter 2: Senza Tema D'Infamia**

It was strange to see the entirety of the Cullen family sitting together in the living room, fidgeting and all. Perhaps this is what we'd look like if we were human, except Carlisle would maybe have hair graying around the temples, and Esme would have little crow's feet from how she always smiled. It was a warming visual that quickly dissipated as the room settled.

Bella and I were sitting on the loveseat, close but not touching, and the small distance was oddly electrifying. I pulled myself away from the feeling, attempting to remain as calm as possible for Jasper's sake. He seemed to be losing his mind, everyone else's feeling simply amplified his own, and he could no longer control his gift, something that only happened in the throes of passion and when he was a newborn.

I evaluated each family member. Carlisle had closed his eyes to block out seeing double, and reassured himself by holding Esme close on the couch. Alice was visualizing the Hindi sign language version of nursery rhymes, a sign that once again, Alice knew all. Jasper grasped on to Alice to the point I was almost worried for her safety.

Emmett needed Rose to anchor him. It was a wonderful thing to see, how mates could ground each other with a light touch or just a quick meeting of the eyes. I truly hoed Rose would return quickly, for Emmett's sake. He was crazy enough already, no need to amplify that.

"What's happening, Edward? I don't understand," Bella had been quiet thus far, but the distress in her voice was clear. Through Carlisle's mind, which was the most calm besides Esme's, I heard Bella's voice, not Esme's. So they only _saw_ their mates in Bella, not heard. Great.

"Why doesn't everyone do as Carlisle and close their eyes," Alice suggested, "Not you, Esme, you're just fine." Esme patted Alice's hand, smiling weakly at me.

"Why don't you tell my family what you told me, and we'll figure everything out, okay Bella?" Her name tasted sweet on my lips, as fulfilling as draining a mountain lion. Her black eyes gazed into mind, and I saw she wanted to ask a question, or many, but she turned to the rest of my family. So brave.

"I live in Phoenix," She must have been tan before, "But my mom and I went on vacation somewhere north. I think someone set me on fire, and I couldn't find my way back." Everyone was stunned. Bella had barely any memory of anything, her human life or otherwise, and she had no appearance of knowing her true nature.

Carlisle carefully opened his eyes and studied the quasi-Esme that was Bella. He took particular notice of her eyes, her deep, glittering black eyes, and realized she was not a recent newborn.

_Edward. I don't understand._ An alarming thought coming from Carlisle, with centuries of knowledge, I thought for sure he would know what was happening. The red had melted from her eyes, now black with unrecognized hunger, and it worried me more than her gift. If she didn't feed, which she seemed to have no desire to, she would slowly deteriorate into a death-like weakness, and I would never discover why I couldn't see into her mind.

"Bella, do you feel any discomfort at all? Any burning sensations?" I questioned, unable to resist saying her name again. She lightly cleared her throat and wrinkled her brow, signal enough that her throat was burning.

"My throat feels kind of dry, but it's not bad. Do you think I could have some water?" She looked up at me with those lovely black eyes and I almost did her bidding and fetched water.

"Just a little? How long have you been wandering in the forest?" This was Jasper, his curiosity piqued over his intense frustration and discomfort. Jasper was an expert in newborn behaviour, and Bella was not complying to the set of actions he had always applied to the youngest of our kind.

"Since the beginning of January," I whispered, looking down at the little vampire, her beautiful hair forming a halo. Esme gasped, and Carlisle stood.

"She needs to hunt right now," Emmett said, his first contribution to the conversation.

"Hunt? Oh, no thank you. I'm a vegetarian," I couldn't believe she was so sure about a minute detail.

"So are we," Emmett gave a dimpled grin, mismatched with his agitated mental state. I couldn't believe he was making a joke at a time like this, and Bella's confusion just heightened.

"Don't you think we should explain first, you big oaf," Alice commented lightly. Her mind was still closed to me, and I would be impressed by her increasing skill at keeping me out if it wasn't so frustrating. I agreed wholeheartedly with Alice, we couldn't just assume her instincts would take over. At this point, if they hadn't, they most likely wouldn't.

"Explain what?" The frustration leaked out of her musical voice. I empathized, being completely lost in a multi-sided conversation was something I had yet to experience, but I had a feeling Alice and Bella would give me one in the future. If Bella stuck around.

"There's a very long story here, honey," Esme smiled kindly at Bella, probably the most reassuring presence in the room at the moment. My brothers still had their eyes closed, and Jasper was so still he actually looked physically uncomfortable. I was really hoping Rose would return soon to help with Emmett.

"Do you remember any horror stories?" I dared broach the subject first, carefully looking into Bella's eyes.

"What, like Dracula and the Loch Ness Monster?" Her brow and nose crinkled again, it was her thinking face.

"Some of them are real," I wanted to take this very slowly, allow her to truly grasp all aspects of the vampire before confirming she was one.

"C'mon," She snorted incredulously, an action I found ridiculously adorable (_shut it Edward_), "You're telling me there's a giant snake in a lake in Ireland?"

"Scotland, actually," Emmett interjected happily, until my chest rumbled and he leaned back, the smile wiped off his face. _What's happening to me._

"Well, maybe not that. But vampires and a few others, yes," No need to go into detail on werewolves and shapeshifters and other creatures yet undiscovered.

"You guys are delusional," She sighed, her shoulders hunching. I saw her eyes dart to the nearest exit, the glass door, and anticipated her next move before she even thought of it. When she flashed up to leave, I was already in front of her. I couldn't let her leave letting her think I was crazy, and before knowing the secrets of her mind. She couldn't go before I broke through her silent thoughts.

"Did you notice how fast we moved just now?" I needed to be gentle with her. She glanced around, panic clear in her eyes. It was then Jasper released a wave of calm, finally assisting. Bella's breathing evened out as she felt the effects, but her brow wrinkled in thought again. She slowly moved to sit down again, with me kneeling beside her. It was then Rose burst through the door, startling Bella to the point of dashing to the corner and curling up.

Emmett rushed to his Rose, smelling her, feeling her, his mind relieved in finally seeing his real mate. But then he looked over to Bella, and back at his Rose. His thoughts turned dirty, and I couldn't help the growl that rumbled in my chest.

_Sorry_, he shrugged, a sheepish smile plastered on his face, the visuals still making a quick loop in the back of his mind.

_I've growled at them twice. What's going on?_

I shoved my worries away to focus on Bella, huddled in the corner of the room, watching us all, and breathing so fast she would pass out if she could. When I approached her, she curled into herself tighter, hugging her knees to her chest and looking to the door again. I immediately stopped, and sat down. We were at that point again, it seemed.

**Meh, it's short, I know. I just really wanted to update before anyone lost interest. **


	4. Chapter 4: Darkness

**I apologise for the hiatus. I shall devote myself to you all.**

**_I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,_**

**_or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off._**

**_I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,_**

**_in secret, between the shadow and the soul._**

**Chapter 4: Darkness**

"Bella?" My voice was but a whisper, so soft I could barely hear it. Her breathing was still frantic, but her head was cast down so I couldn't read her face. I felt a strange impulse to reach out and brush her soft hair away, to just gaze in her hunger-filled eyes. This was an impulse I buried to the depths of my mind.

At Alice's quiet request, Rose, Emmett, and Jasper made a slow, human-paced exit, running as fast as they could once they were clear of the house. Their thoughts were gone within the minute, far out of my range and into the forests. I was surprised at Jasper's willingness to abandon Alice in this situation, but his emotions were spread so thin he didn't seem to have the strength to argue with his mate.

Bella was still curled up in a corner of the room, pressed up against the glass wall and the entertainment centre that held the TV and gaming systems. She didn't even seem to register the three leaving- odd for a defensive vampire who had not fed. At all. Bella seemed to be strictly an anomaly. Her breathing was still elevated, but she remained stone- still otherwise, a Greek goddess holding up the sky.

Bella was not Atlas, and vampires cannot have panic attacks. This had gone on too long. As I steeled my decision to speak, Alice's constant distractions in her thoughts- currently the Bible translated into ancient Hebrew- had a slight murmur, in which I caught a glimpse. It was less than a second, but an undeniable image of Bella and me, wrapped in an embrace. I felt embarrassed by the intimacy Alice had just witnessed me experiencing; obviously I had never before been with a woman.

But the beauty of it! She would stay! She would want me! I had thought no one could love this murderous beast, I who had knowingly and willingly committed the worst of all sins. This innocent creature was curled up in front of me, a girl who had never taken a life. She had never felt the life draining away with every swallow, heard the fading thoughts of love and reminiscence, of crippling fear.

"Edward," whispered Alice aloud. Bella head whipped up, and she stared at Alice with such intensity one could assume her power was telepathy as well.

_You're fucking it up._ The lone thought slipped through Alice's mind, clearly directed at me. What future was I messing with? My own? Bella's?

Bella's glinting black eyes followed Alice as she rose and left the room. Esme and Carlisle looked at each other, and followed Alice into the kitchen. So that's why she sent the boys and Rose away; with the assurance that she, Carlisle, and Esme would be chaperoning.

"Hey there," I whispered. Bella's eyes were still trained on the open entryway from the kitchen to the living room. I couldn't see them, but knew they were still in there. Esme was shuffling quietly through the produce, and Carlisle and Alice were playing an ill-matched game of chess on the granite countertop.

I scooted forward, inch by inch, until Bella and I were face to face. Her breath heaved, then stopped all together, and those onyx orbs met mine. Her smooth brow pulled together, crinkling her forehead, and her shoulders sagged as her arms dropped from holding her knees. Her position now mirrored mine, criss-cross applesauce.

"Your… eyes…" It took a whole breath to get the sentence out, and she gasped in another breath and held it again. I peered to my left, out the window, and into the damp foliage where I sensed a mind approaching.

Jasper. He was scouting emotions from far away, to ensure that we were safe, but that he wouldn't interfere if we were. He disappeared a moment later, and I looked back at Bella.

Her gaze hadn't wavered, and I almost felt self-conscious from the scrutiny I was receiving. Then I remembered her question- _how could it have slipped my mind?_

"What about my eyes?" Soft voice, Edward, don't be intimidating, don't be too charming. Don't talk to yourself, you already have enough voices in your head.

Her hand lifted from her side, reaching up to hover above my cheek so slowly I thought I swore I saw the colours of the leaves changing. I could feel the warmth radiating from her palm, and leaned in without thinking about it. Before the pads of her fingers could even touch me, she pulled back and exhaled harshly, snapping me back to reality.

"They look like gems. Like topaz." Her back leaned against the wall, and she was still wedged between two walls. I was beginning to feel almost as if I was cornering her.

"Yours will too," I said cryptically, giving her a little grin in comfort.

"A lot prettier than mine," She sounded… _sad?_ I almost wished Jasper were here to give me some insight to her mind, since I couldn't breach it.

"You're a lot prettier than me, so it's only fair." Wrong move, Edward. Wrong move.


	5. Chapter 5: Your Laughter

**_My struggle is harsh and I come back_**

**_with eyes tired_**

**_at times from having seen_**

**_the unchanging earth,_**

**_but when your laughter enters_**

**_it rises to the sky seeking me_**

**_and it opens for me all_**

**_the doors of life._**

**-Pablo Neruda**

**Chapter 5: Your Laughter**

_"__No!" _Her voice was harsh, her lips pulled up in a snarl. Her eyes flickered strangely, from blood to brown, and gone again a moment later. Everything around her seemed to tremble, the air around her shifting as if from sheer force of will. It was breathtaking.

"No what? Bella, please take a breath," I whispered. Her face crinkled as if she was crying, heaving dry sobs erupting from her chest. I felt almost split open in this Catch-22, to leave her in this panic, to comfort her and make it worse. It was such an intense reaction to an innocent comment, one I would have expected from most newborns, with their violent tendencies. Bella didn't even act like a vampire, much less a newborn, I had nearly forgotten about it.

"Bella," I approached her quietly, calmly, "please calm down. I meant no harm." I still wasn't even sure what I had said wrong, it seemed like a perfectly normal comment, similar to the kinds of exchanges I heard from my family often enough. I quickly devised a plan in my head while Bella and I stared at each other, her breathing evening out and matching mine. Her eyes shifted back into onyx, darkening quickly as she calmed down.

I heard Alice tell Carlisle my plan, and heard as he prepared the blood. I tuned out their thoughts, easily for once, and directed my attention to Bella. I sat, mere inches from her, maintaining eye contact the entire time. Without hearing her thoughts, it was difficult to glean any information from her expression. She seemed wary, naturally, but her eyes never left mine as she sank onto the floor, and her body language indicated that she wasn't listening to Esme, Carlisle, and Alice in the kitchen.

"Do you know anything about vampires?" Bella seemed intrigued by the question rather than defensive, but made no move to answer. The air around us had stilled, it was a pleasant quietness that encased us.

"Vampires are people," I chose my words carefully, deciding on Carlisle's positive explanation of us, "who were turned into immortals by other vampires. Their bodies are like stone, their skin pale, their appearance near perfect." Bella's face remained curious. It was encouraging that she no longer thought I was insane, that she made no move to escape like she had before. Perhaps she would in a moment. "We also drink blood. Animal blood, but it is necessary to our survival."

Once the perspective of my explanation shifted, Bella seemed warier. Her body tensed slightly, our eye contact broke as she looked towards the kitchen. So, she could hear my family in the next room.

I heard Carlisle call to me mentally, letting me know that he had prepared what Alice requested. I pitched my voice low, asking Esme, the least offensive of the Cullens, to bring it in in a moment.

"Bella," her eyes shifted to mine, "Esme's going to be coming back in and bringing something for us to drink, okay?" Bella nodded ever so slightly. It was like walking on egg shells. Esme exited the kitchen carrying two steaming mugs. I could smell it before, but now that it was closer, the venom pooled in my throat and I was well aware that my eyes had likely darkened. Though both of us were well fed, I knew Esme was experiencing the same, normal reaction to the warm blood that I was, but it had no affect on Bella.

She didn't shift from her sitting position on the floor, but she had tensed up more and was staring at Esme's slow approach from the corner of her eyes. I kept my eyes on Bella rather than Esme, and moved on to take the mugs from Esme, never shifting my gaze. I thanked Esme, and she retreated slowly to the kitchen again.

I extended on of the mugs to Bella, and she took it reflexively. I lifted the cup to my lips and took a small swallow, as hard as it was to control myself, and smiled at Bella encouragingly. I was almost nervous to speak again, worried I would say one wrong thing and she would take off for the forest, or attack, or worse.

My smile got bigger as she inched the mug closer to her mouth, so much so I probably looked like a clown with a giant grin on my face. Once she had tasted it, she would understand better. Getting her fed would allow for a more level headed conversation, and she wouldn't think me sadistic if she realized she, too, enjoyed blood.

The second the liquid touched her lips, she changed. She downed it in a gulp, looked at me, and rasped, "More."

I passed my mug off to her, and Esme returned with more glasses. Bella didn't even seem to care as much about Esme approaching. She simply drained cup after cup after cup until Carlisle informed me that he had no more blood. It was lucky he had any in the first place, when there would have been no reason to ever use it.

Bella sipped on the last mug. She looked healthy now. Her eyes had lightened into a soft red, the colour of burning embers, and the bruises around her eyes had nearly disappeared. She no longer appeared sallow, her face was no longer sunken. If I thought her beautiful before, now she was breathtaking. Perfection. Untouchable. Undeserved. Alice coughed needlessly from the kitchen, her warning thoughts pulling me away from my own self deprecating inner dialogue. Bella's health and well being needed to be the focus.

"So," I broke the hour long silence we had endured, "Do you feel any better?"

"Was that what I think it was?" Her expression lost some of the lightness it had gained from feeding. The self-pity and self-doubt was creeping up. I nodded.

Bella leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. I remained absolutely still, holding my breath in as she collected her thoughts. I wished Jasper was there, just for a moment, to tell me what she was feeling.

She sighed and opened her eyes. "You're not breathing," She observed. I inhaled deeply, needlessly.

"We don't need to breathe. Or sleep."

"I'm not even allowed to sleep anymore?" She seemed unbothered with her state, except when it came to sleeping. Not even the act of drinking blood affected her the way the lack of sleep did. Her expression saddened, and I had to force myself to not reach out to her.

"You haven't slept for months," I commented, bringing up her foggy past. She was so docile and calm, it was hard to believe she was a newborn, even before the blood she had been so collected for one who had never fed. Even Carlisle grew restless when he didn't feed, not that he ever lost control the way the rest of us had. Except I hadn't lost control, I made the conscious decision to murder people. How was I sitting in front of this innocent girl and attempt to teach her anything, with my past.

Alice coughed again from the kitchen, drawing Bella's eyes away from mine and towards her direction. I could here everyone approaching the house, and Jasper's plan to surround the perimeter but keep their distance.

"I don't understand," Bella whispered. I nodded in agreement, understanding her confusion completely. I had Carlisle when I was changed, and I took much longer to get acclimated to the change than it appeared it took Bella. "I remember the fire. I remember when it was, even. But I don't remember anything after. How could I have been out there for so long?"

"I don't know," I answered truthfully, suspecting the question was rhetorical anyways, "But we can find out, if you stay."

"Stay?" Her voice was softer, and she folded into herself, making herself smaller and she huddled against the wall.

"Stay here. With my family."

"With you?" Her voice was so soft it would have drifted away had I not been so close to her. I felt a pain in my chest, felt my dead heart crack open and warm over. I would have been flushed had I been human. Perhaps, perhaps there was hope.

"Yes," I lost all of my words, the eloquence I had gained from my decades of studying literature and oration was gone.

Our eyes locked, and I watched as hers flickered from its burnt umber into a brilliant chocolate brown. I had seen it before, only momentarily, but had tucked it away, passed it off as a trick of the eye among the chaos. Now, though, I was sure. There was more to her appearance changing ability than I had originally assumed, and I had not even give much thought to her power yet.

Her posture relaxed with the duration of our eye contact, unfolding herself and even leaning forward, towards me. I lost all concept of time, we just leaned towards each other, pulled by a mysterious gravitational force.

Alice hummed loudly, both mentally and audibly, and entered the room. Bella stiffened, but didn't move away. Progress.

Alice moved through the room more slowly than a human, more slowly even than when she brought the mugs of blood. She approached us, and sank down, sitting just behind me on my right. I kept my eyes on Bella, her eyes again red, as they shifted from me to Alice and back again. Alice was still humming, softer now, running through Debussy compositions.

We sat there quietly for so long the sun sank below the tree line, the lights in the house coming on automatically. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were still circling around the house, moving closer. Esme was sitting in the kitchen, her imagination running wild with joyful images of Bella and me. Bella and me running, Bella and me locked in a loving embrace, Bella and me holding hands among the family during Christmastime. I felt the unfamiliar pull in my chest and shifted away from her, trying my hardest to block out her unusually loud thoughts.

Carlisle was in his office, researching known powers among vampires. He was contemplating contacting other covens, trying to find her creator or discover what her power was exactly. He kept circling around to calling Elezear, to see if he would be willing to travel south as a favor to our family. Elezear had the phenomenal ability to detect what the power of another vampire, or even the occasional human, was. I had not even thought of Elezear, and made note to approve of his idea later.

Bella was breathing deeply, her eyes were calm and she looked as if she was meditating her face was so calm. She sighed loudly, resolve steeling in her eyes, and shot up quickly.

I moved too quickly, following her actions, and Bella looked disconcerted, almost and impossibly dizzy.

"We also move quickly," I said softly. Bella appeared to accept my explanation, understanding without fail and to a fault. Alice was still sitting, a satisfied smile on her face.

Bella raised her hand, reached out to me. She was shaking, her eyes were cast down, and if I didn't know nay better I would have sworn she looked like she was about to cry. I stood completely still, again not breathing, waiting to see what she wanted, and not wanting to startle her. Her hand moved deliberately slowly, still trembling, and I followed her movements as her small hand found my own.

Her hand was impossibly soft, and it felt so small and delicate in my own. We stood there, fingers interlocked. I tore my gaze from our hands to her face and found her once again staring at me. The pull in my chest was stronger, and I felt a shock between our hands. She gasped, squeezing her hand against mine as the invisible sparks continued.

I felt a joy so brilliant it was physically painful. I was touching the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on, and she was clutching me like I was a life line. There was a smile creeping onto her face, small and content, and not even close to matching my own clown-like grin. I couldn't remember smiling so much in the past decade.

Our other hands reached out to each other almost automatically. I gazed into her face, into her deep brown eyes back from the red, and I knew what my family had felt. I finally understood. I wouldn't fuck it up with my negativity the way Alice had predicted. I would be the man Bella deserved.

**I'm so sorry it's been so long, and I'm so sorry my writing may seem more elementary! I've been so busy ****:(****Any feedback is greatly appreciated **


	6. Chapter 6: Fear

**_My only fear is loving you_**

**_For what if you don't return the favor? _**

**_I'm afraid of what would become of me_**

**_If you crushed my heart_**

**_Would I survive? Keep being me? _**

**_Or would you tear me apart_**

**_Until there's nothing left for me to be? _**

**_My only fear is loving you_**

**_Please catch me if I fall for you_**

**_Otherwise I don't know what I'd do_**

**_I'm afraid of what you'd do_**

**_My only fear is loving you_**

**_Now that I love you, my only fear is losing you_**

**_My Wicked._**

**Chapter 6: Fear **

We were in our own world, a bubble that was encasing us with the mesmerizing electricity sparking from our hands. Bella's hair was weightless around her, its silky strands caressing my face gently. Her eyes, her gorgeous, deep brown eyes, were alight with expressiveness I had only seen between the couples in my family.

It was then, in our gloriously elated world, that all hell broke lose.

Bella's face twisted, her eyes shifted immediately back into a sharp red. Alice gasped and sprang to her feet, grabbing Bella and throwing her own her knees. Alice's mind was still filled with song, translating the Katy Perry repertoire into Ancient Mandarin, but there were flickers of blood breaking through.

A growl ripped through my chest, loud and aggressive. Bella was on her hands and knees, sobbing, with Alice pushing her and keeping her down.

Carlisle and Esme darted into the room, but kept their distance, ready to assist at a moments notice. Everyone else stayed outside.

"Edward," Alice cried, reaching over to me. I was still standing, stiff and growling at my own sister. I immediately dropped to the floor next to Bella.

She was crying, her face convulsed in pain. I could feel a sob bubble up, replacing the growling. After what felt like hours of both of us crying into the ground, Alice holding Bella and Esme rubbing circles into my back, Bella started to cough.

At first, it was a quiet cough, like she was clearing her throat. She was gasping desperately between coughs as they became more violent, wracking her whole body. Alice stepped away from Bella as Carlisle approached, his thoughts focused solely on his concern for Bella. He was reviewing her from an objective point, cataloging her coughs and cries, her increasing pain. He held her shoulders, keeping her head higher than the rest of her body.

My eyes were on her face. Bella's eyes were squeezed together, leaking venom like they were tears, her mouth was open and expelling venom with every cough.

I was feeling her pain, even if I wasn't coughing. My throat was burning from something other than thirst, my stomach was churning, I could feel the pain in my bones. It was impossible, in those moments, to control my mind. The thoughts of my family were pressing into my skull, the pain making it impossible to direct any attention to pushing them away.

Vampire thoughts are more complicated, endless streams of consciousness, hundreds of ideas rushing through all at once. They were all ripe with worry, but Emmett was also thinking of Rosalie, the way Bella looked like Rosalie, the black bear he had conquered in his last hunting trip. Rosalie was thinking of me, and of how we met, how Bella looked like her, something she was smug about. Jasper was in a constant state of strategizing, running through dozens of situations all at once. Too many of them involved destroying Bella, and growls tore through me in concurrence with my sobs. It was too much.

I collapsed next to me, bringing my hands up to my ears and squeezing. I knew I was yelling from the added pain in my throat, but I couldn't hear it over the voices in my head. There were too many.

I was so attuned to Bella already, I heard her gags over my own screams, over the shouting voices reverberating in my head. She was expelling the animal blood she had gulped down. Violently.

I could smell the rotten and coagulated blood mixed with venom. It splattered on my face, in my hair, on my hands that were still clawing at my face. I knew I was scraping my skin off; the pain was a dull distraction from the pressure in my skull. Bella's gags were subsiding and her sobs quieted but stayed constant. I could feel her collapse beside me, felt her delicate hand on my face.

The pain was subsiding with her coughs and gags, but the voices were still pushing. I couldn't seem to find that curtain that Carlisle had taught be to pull over, the mechanism of consistent vigilance that allowed me to tune out voices. They were yelling so loudly in my skull that I couldn't pick apart any details, though I detected my name often. I felt a new presence in the room- perhaps Jasper from his scent- and a weight on my torso. Bella was still laying next to me, crying silently, her hand caressing my own.

I smelled fresh blood, overwhelming the bitter scent of Bella's vomit, and felt it drip into my mouth. I couldn't even swallow, it just pooled in my mouth and dripped down my throat.

I still couldn't seem to push the voices away, but they were leaving. I was incoherent, crying and holding my head. Then, they were gone.

I could hear my own cries intermingled with Bella's again. There were no voices in my head. My family had left us in the house.

We were both caked in blood and venom. I was able to swallow the remaining blood in my mouth- deer blood.

Bella was sitting up, looking over me. Her face was also covered in blood and venom, her eyes still red and awash with concern.

She didn't look to be in physical pain anymore, only worry lined her face. She pulled my hands and replaced them with her own, cupping my cheeks as she gazed down at me.

"I'm okay," She whispered. I, too, felt much better, the only thoughts in my head were my own. I didn't what had happened, it had never been that bad, not even when I was first created. I hadn't been in that kind of pain since Carlisle changed me, either. I didn't know it was possible for a vampire to be in that kind of pain.

I didn't think it was possible for a vampire to throw up blood either.

"I'm okay now, too," I whispered back. The worry in her face smoothed over, replaced with something else. It was so hard to read her without hearing her thoughts.

"What happened?" She asked as I sat up. I leaned against the wall, Bella now sitting in front of me, our places reversed from earlier. We were matching our breaths, inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly. It was relaxing- the calm before the storm.

"Something happened with the blood, your body couldn't take it," Carlisle would know better than I, but he and the rest of the family were likely far away from the house, "I felt that pain with you."

I shifted my eyes to her face, "I'm so sorry, Bella, we should have gone more slowly." We knew nothing about her past, we _should _have been more careful with her. She was so delicate, so inexperienced. We should have known. I should have known.

Her hands ran across my face, across the torn off skin that was healing with the digestion of blood I had ingested. She shook her head imperceptibly.

"No, it's not your fault. Stop thinking that," Her voice matched her kind words. She knew what I was thinking better than I knew what she was. Irony.

"What happened to you?" She asked. I knew she was referring to my lack of control of my power, not how I had felt her pain. I sighed deeply and looked into her auburn eyes.

"I lost control of my ability. I hear minds, and with the pain, I couldn't tune them out. It was overwhelming." Her face twisted with horror. She knew I was a freak, with an ability that was strange even in the vampiric world.

"You read minds?" Her voice was awash with disgust, her face terrified. I nodded in response, my dead heart aching at the thought of Bella leaving, leaving me. She tucked her hands into her sides and looked down at her feet. I heard a whisper of a cry leave her parted lips.

"You can hear my mind," She stated, her voice as small as she was making herself. She curled her knees under her arms and folded in on herself again. The progress we had made before was gone. She knew who I was and was disgusted with me.

"No, I can't. I can't hear you. It's heaven," I confessed. I could relish in these last moments with her, with company yet mental silence. It really was heaven not to have to work at maintaining some semblance of privacy. She looked back and me and released her knees, sitting up to kneel. She leaned forward, towards me, and I braced myself for her departure. I closed my eyes, I couldn't bear the thought of watching her leave me, and held my breath.

Instead of detecting her exit, I felt her lean into me. Her hands cupped my face again, her thumbs brushing over my cheekbones.

I didn't dare open my eyes, lest it be a hallucination I was feeling. Her fingers began moving across my face, touching my eyelids, my jaw, my lips. I felt the trail of electric heat her fingers left. I opened my eyes to meet hers, a smile reaching my lips as her lips shaped upward.

It was the kind of intimacy I had only dreamed about in the middle of the night, as I heard the rest of my family wrapped in a loving embrace. Our faces gravitated towards each other, so close our noses were almost touching. I had reached up, twisting my fingers in the impossibly soft hair at the back of her neck.

It was then I pulled away, coming to my senses. Even if she was horrified with me and with my ability, it was too soon for her. We had too much to work out. I knew how overwhelming and confusing the newborn years were, and adding this kind of intimacy would like make it worse.

"We need to get up. We need to figure this out." I said. Her eyes flickered with rejection, but her face was smooth and expressionless. She moved away from me and stood up quickly.

I could hear Alice's and Carlisle's voice in my head, soft, as they moved closer to the house. I attempted to tune them out and found I couldn't, that I couldn't find that curtain I had been so familiar with. They moved away soon after, leaving the area once again quiet.

Bella and I not only needed to figure out her past and her blood allergy, but I had to regain the control of my power I had lost.

**I know it's not long, again, but I needed to get it out. Now I need to go study for an exam :c Reviews are greatly appreciated, it's what keeps me going!**


	7. Chapter 7: Let It Go

**_let it go – the_**

**_smashed word broken_**

**_open vow or_**

**_the oath cracked length_**

**_wise – let it go it_**

**_was sworn to_**

**_go_**

**Chapter 7: Let It Go**

"I don't know what happened, Edward," Bella groaned. I couldn't help but feel a little giddy, hearing my name come out of her mouth. "It's like these past few months have been a blur. And even before that, it's so fuzzy..." Her face was scrunched in determination, bottom lip pulled between her tweet. She would have given herself a headache if it was possible. Then again, the impossible was happening.

We had been sitting on the couch, discussing possibilities, for what seemed like forever. I had explained all that being a vampire usually entailed, from feeding to the Volturi. Bella was taking everything so well, better than I or any other member of my family had. She was completely understanding, asking polite questions and seemingly not at all distressed by our situation.

"So, we can assume that you were changed and left in the forest right after. But why..." There would be no answers for us just sitting in this house, especially without Alice. Bella seemed to read my mind.

"We're not getting anywhere. How about you?" She peered at me shyly from behind her silky hair. I fought the urge to twist the locks between my fingers and just gaze into her face.

"I'm have no idea." I truly was at a loss. It was like I was a newborn again, with no control over my power and no idea how to use it.

"What's it like, anyhow?" She still looked embarrassed to be asking personal questions of me, she had shrunk into the couch and pulled into herself like she had before. I had hoped we could've moved past the uncomfortableness she had felt around me, around all of us.

"Well it's not how it sounds, that's for sure," I chuckled darkly, "mind reading is certainly a misnomer. Thoughts aren't concrete sentences like a novel. They're abstract, and it takes effort to interpret them accurately. Humans are easier, they're brains are more simple, usually focused on what they see at that moment. But our minds can have dozens of trains of thought at once."

Bella was nodding along, completely understanding of what I was explaining. Her eyes were brown again, and I had theorised that they, too, reflected her mood, just in different colours than mine did.

"And what was it like, just now?" Her brows pulled together, creasing her forehead in deep thought.

"Honestly, it was as if I, too, were a newborn again. It was all of the voices yelling in my head, questioning me through thought, but also their own interpretation of the situation, along with dozens of other thoughts. I couldn't block it out, or even tune it out." Bella leaned toward me and placed her soft, warm hand over mine. I hadn't even realised I was clenching my fist, but they immediately unfurled under her delicate touch. I wanted to keep her hand on mine for eternity, but she drew back after a moment.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, voice breaking uncharacteristically. I wasn't sure what she was apologising for, but I fought the urge to wrap my arms around her and hold her to me forever. It was not the time.

"I'm going to have to work to find my control again," I nodded, "it's going to take time, though. Time I'm not sure we have." I mumbled the end more to myself then as a part of the conversation, but Bella's chest rumbled and her posture tightened. I made sure to sit still and not further agitate her, a newborn who had never fed and was likely experiencing greater mood swings than most others would.

"Are you going to send me away?" Her voice sounded small and broken, completely at odds with her growling and aggressive posture. I felt my chest crack open and I steeled myself against the need to comfort her.

"No," I made my voice calm and even, completely at odds with what I felt, "you may, of course, leave whenever you wish. But I would like you to stay for however long you'd like." For forever, I added mentally. I imagined reaching out and cupping her soft cheek, tracing my thumb across her rosebud lips. They would be tender and smooth, and her eyes would meet mine, expressive and dark with need and desire.

I pushed away my inappropriate thoughts, ashamed that I could even entertain them when we were in this fucked up situation. Bella was in no state to be subjected to my impossible delusions. But then she peered up at me from under her thick lashes, dark eyes smouldering me, and licked her lips. I caved.

I leaned towards her, and she seemed to lean closer to me as well. The air was crackling with electricity, and I swear my desire for her was palatable. I kept leaning into her, resting my forehead against her, all thoughts of fighting my magnetic pull to her forgotten. I placed my lips to her, and I could have flown.

It was unbelievable. Her lips were warm and soft and pliable under my own, and I sighed into her mouth. She tasted better than any blood I had ever consumed, she tasted like life.

I was shocked away from her when she made a noise, a little cry fell from her mouth. I had hurt her! I had moved too fast! She wasn't even interested in me, how could she be. She literally just found out she was a vampire, and here I was attacking her.

I flew to the other side of the couch, jaw clenched in shame. Bella looked distraught, her eyes were darker and her brows were pulled up in concern. I held my head in my hands, pulling my fingers through my hair. Carlisle's thought fell into my head, then faded away as he moved. Their thoughts were ebbing like a tide as they paced the perimeter of my gift. I still couldn't find anything to shield them out.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked softly, moving closer to me on the couch and touching my hand with hers again. I hated myself for causing her pain, and here she was, trying to comfort me.

I flipped my hand over and laced her fingers in mine. Her skin was gorgeous and flawless and made me feel whole again. I completely forgot that she had asked me a question until she repeated it.

"Are you?" I asked, avoiding the question. I wasn't okay, not even a little. This amazing, kind, gorgeous woman was stuck in this house with me, a monster.

Edward, Alice whispered from far away. Her consciousness was streaming into mine, and there was nothing I could do. I closed my eyes for a moment, and she left.

"What was that," Bella asked breathily, squeezing my hand.

"A mistake," I replied darkly, letting my shame slip into my voice. Bella sighed again, likely agreeing with me. If Jasper were here, I was sure he could tell me concretely that she pitied me and my desperation.

I rose from the couch, pulling my hand from hers. I didn't deserve her touch, didn't deserve even her sympathy. The sooner we could fix everything, the sooner Bella could escape me.

"I'm going to think on this," I said, "you're welcome to anything in the house. Make yourself at home." I made my way upstairs to the piano, so much had happened in only a day and I needed to work it out. Even through the constant barrage of thought, the keys on a piano made sense, a simpler language of expression than words or thoughts.

I pressed the keys, moving through my repertoire, everything from Debussy and Schumann to Sarah McLaughlin and John Lennon. It was then, while my fingers were flying through Aufschwung, that it finally came to me. I really couldn't hear Bella's thoughts.

"A shield!" I exclaimed. I heard a noise from the corner and turned to see Bella sitting in the corner of the room, knees in front and sitting on the heels of her feet. She jumped up when I looked at her, eyes wide and brown like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep," her voice was shaky again.

"No, it's fine. You would've heard the music no matter where you were in the house. No matter, you're a shield!"

"I'm a what?" She raised her brow and gave me a weird look.

"Your gift. I'm a mind reader, but you're a shield," I explained, "it must be why I can't read your thoughts. And it's clearly powerful. I'm sure you could manipulate it, you could shield me and anyone else you want to."

Bella looked taken aback, like she hadn't even thought of it. We could do this together. I hadn't mastered my own mental gift once upon a time, even if something snapped and I couldn't anymore. Bella's couldn't be so different, there was likely something in her that she could focus on and pull out. If i could explore her thoughts, perhaps I could find something about her past she had repressed. It wasn't like it was a selfish purpose and I just wanted to look into her thoughts, not entirely.

"I'm going to make a decision to go get Carlisle for his expertise. Alice will see it and send him so I don't have to go out," I explained. I knew it had worked in a moment when I heard Carlisle approaching, and his thoughts not fading away like they usually did. The pressure grew in my head, and Bella came and sat next to me on the piano bench. I allowed a momentary fantasy involving her and the piano, but pushed it out to try and focus on ignoring Carlisle's inner monologue.

He was thinking of my shield theory and how to get Bella to manipulate hers, he was thinking of my power and lack of control, and always of Esme. He was also thinking of Alaska and the girls in Denali, of how he had heard Kate had mastered her power through physical threat.

My chest hurt and I felt a growl rip through it as I thought of Bella being hurt in any way, but that pain was minor in comparison to the growing pressure in my head. It was akin to diving down to a thousand feet with no equalisation- my head would have exploded if it was possible. My vision went black and I felt Bella's hand on mine again, anchoring me to this world.

Carlisle entered the room swiftly, but I couldn't discern any concrete ideas from his thoughts anymore, it was just random words yelling at me.

"Is he going to be okay," Bella asked. I had no way to respond, I was completely occupied trying to block out Carlisle.

"Yes. He was like this in the beginning of his existence as well. I think it would benefit him greatly if his theory proved true and we could figure out how to use your gift." Bella and Carlisle continued to discuss my theory, with Bella saying she had no idea where to even start.

I could tell Carlisle was still struggling with the other aspect of her ability. Though my eyes were closed, I could see Bella through his eyes. She was wearing the same clothes and had the same mannerisms, but she looked exactly like Esme, caramel hair replacing Bella's mahogany. It was unsettling to say the least. Bella's hand wasn't anchor enough. I felt myself slipping, caving into the pressure in my head. I needed to remedy it before I began tearing at my skin again.

I opened my eyes slowly, trying to focus my eyesight. Bella was there, not Esme, and she was involved in an in depth discussion with Carlisle that I couldn't hear over his thoughts.

Her eyes were the entire world. They were that beautiful chocolate brown again, the colour of the earth and my universe. Her gaze flickered over to me, and her lips turned up into a soft smile. She was still talking to Carlisle, but I could tell her focus was on me. She was enrapturing, easier to focus on than picking out concrete ideas from Carlisle's loud thoughts or even shielding him from my mind entirely.

"Yes, Alice says Kate is on her way with Tanya. She says it will work out. They'll be here in the early afternoon," Carlisle said.

Bella squeezed my hand, and I felt Carlisle leaving. The further away he got, the better I felt, and the pressure was slowly dissipating, replaced with a burn in my throat.

Perhaps watching me hunt would trigger something in Bella.

**I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. This is just a way for me to avoid studying.**

...


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